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2006.10.11

所詮気分の問題

 精神科通いも、カウンセリングもしてませんから。病人でもなく、せいぜい困った人だ。あたしわ。

 原因を探し出して、どうにか軌道修正せにゃならん。

 1.週末によく休めていない→休日出勤(おしごとですから)・家族関連行事(わたしのせいじゃない)・その他

 2.退職者が出ることが分かった→仕事が増える・今後の不安(誰もやってくれない!わたしばっかり)・敵前逃亡しやがって!
 
 3.本業でない雑用の増加→下がいない状況・アシスタントにも遠慮してしまう(なんでここまでフォローしなきゃならないの?)

 4.誰かはなしを聴いてくれ→みんな忙しいしね(気が付くといつも自分が聞き役だ!)

 出せば出すほど原因は己の未熟と言うことか。不毛だなぁ。不満たらたら、うらみつらみと欲求不満がアタマも回路を縛っているらしい。
 全部悪い私が悪い。未熟な私が全部悪い。許してお願いなんでもやるから。ってなっちまうんだなぁ・・・自覚はあるのになー。やれやれ。

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