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2012.03.19

絆っていじめを正当化する魔法の言葉じゃないのかい?

ここ1月で、2件当たりのミセ(飲食店を指す)をめっけた。

神経痛も頭痛も花粉症も全開だが、精神状態はいい状態。循環型の情緒障害も疑われるアタクシは、軽躁状態にあるんじゃなかろかと思ったりしたが、ちゃんと頭痛いし、眠くて仕方ないし、かれこれ1月近く安定しているのだから、躁ではないんだろと思い中。

 もっと派手よね・・・たぶん。

 1年前のように必死に掃除をしないから、部屋は散らかっている。大丈夫です大丈夫ですと繰り返さない分、可愛げもないだろう。
 
 ただ、庇護を求める(なんかちがうな)周囲の同情を買う(これがあたりか)ための虚飾をしなくなって、私は正気戻るわけだ。(311セレモニーに不快感を覚える被災者の気持ちを説明できそうだ)実に気がらくだ。健気になんて生きてやるものか。

 躁鬱じゃなかろかーなどと、ちょいちょい調査をしていたら、己の孤独の源流にたどり着く。

 7才くらいのときだな、おそらくイジメが開始したのがその頃で、きっかけはちょっと病気して干物のようになったことか・・・。
 親に訴えると、いじめられるほうが悪い、やりかえせ。と帰ってきた。田舎もんの無学な馬鹿餓鬼にいじめられるとは情け無いという論調。

 してそれは、「だからいじめられる」に転化して、イエの中でも攻撃の対象になっていったのだな。その前から、ハハオヤは理不尽な暴力を振るっていたが、家族総出で「だから虐められるんだ!」といわれるほうが、殴られるよりもしんどかったんだな。胃潰瘍になるぐらいに。
 
 で、助けを求めても、誰も助けちゃくれない。という真実にたどり着いた次第。

 Aそれは猛烈な絶望と孤独感ではあったが・・・
 B「家族でしょう!?」と成員であることを強要されるよりかは何百倍もマシだった・・・と思う。

 Bは実に性質が悪く、結局のところ、夫が亡くなった際に、演技性人格障害よろしく「何で死んじゃったのぉおお~」と叫んだ母。焼き場でなぜか叔母に「しっかりしなさい」と叱責される・・・とゆー、まーおーよそ、アタシの事なんてこれっぱっかしも考えちゃいない、素敵な劇場をよーやく客観視することができて・・・まーよーやく、Bのとんでもない詐欺行為に気がついたわけだ。

 Aのほーが、どれだけ楽か。

 なんか、兄貴が単位落としたのも私のせーにされてたな・・・
 そーそー、旦那のお父さんの葬式の時に、事実婚で本家さま様の苗字じゃない嫁は、チクチクとなじられるわけだが・・・Bに比べりゃ屁でもない。

 そんで、表題、結局絆って私利私欲で他者を攻撃する輩や同調圧力を利用して人をコントロールしようとするやつらの体のいい呪詛じゃないのさ?

 絆を盾に、いったいどれだけの人が、家族を強要され、能力を阻害され、良心を踏みにじられてきたか・・・(だからなんども言うが、マイケル・サンデルがいくら流行ったって、良心のディシジョンを所属している最小のコミュニティにまる投げしてるんだから全くの無意味だ)
 
 夫婦同姓を強要されているがばっかりに、離婚しても名前を戻せないとゆー文章を読んで、思いついたこと。


 

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Comments

絆って結果として生まれるものだと思う。それをみんなで作ろう!的な最近の風潮はちょっと嫌だなあ。


最近面白い読み物。ほぼ日の
「しがらみを科学してみた」
http://www.1101.com/shigarami/2012-03-14.html
まだ途中だけど、この人と糸井重里の以前の対談も面白いよ。

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